Freedom
I kept my eyes open like a lost puppy dog. I was alive, but I wasn’t actually living in the moment. My eyes roamed from left to right, quickly, all while holding onto the back of my friend’s hoodie to make sure I wouldn’t get lost. Panic raced through my brain as I lost hope in finding what I was looking for. My stomach clenched as my plans crumbled quickly.
Yesterday I went to the 3rd concert I’ve ever been to – Jingle Ball 2011. I went with 3 of my closest friends and I had the greatest time, but there was one thing that got in the way, that always gets in the way. Food plans. For the few days leading up to the concert I became anxious and unwanting to go because I didn’t know what I would do for dinner. The night before I buckled down and figured I’d better look up what kind of food they have where the concert was, because I don’t do too well not knowing while being out with others – I end up taking endless minutes trying to decide what to get, and end up feeling like I am burdening my friends who can easily go up and order chicken nuggets and fries and be content, if not excited, to eat what they ordered.
I found out what “stands” they had around the center, and picked out one and went on their website to pick the specifics. Okay, I was good. I was even going to challenge myself to a dessert from there as well. But I had an odd feeling in the pit of my stomach that things wouldn’t go the way that I was planning. And I was right. The place that I thought was going to be there… wasn’t. It was on the directory and everything, and I desperately wanted to drag my friends around the whole arena to find it, but I obviously wouldn’t do that. Luckily, I did have something packed with me just in case this happened, so I was okay if not more okay knowing that I knew exactly what was in what I packed. Even so, I still felt a pang of anxiousness and un-comfort knowing that this isn’t what I planned to eat the night before.
Going through this situation, sadly I have to say that this was a situation even though others would find this quite silly, made me realize how much I was freedom from this whole eating disorder and how I just want to be done with it. I am sick of doing fun things and having parts of them ruined because of what is going on inside of my head. I have to beat this because I no longer want to plan my feelings about doing something around food plans.
The concert was an absolute blast besides that ordeal. So much more fun than I ever would have imagined. We ended up getting home at 1:00 A.M., hence why I am home and blogging at 1:15 in the afternoon. I thought that it would be enjoyable for you guys to watch the videos I took at the concert if you wanted to, so they are linked below. Sorry for the horrible quality… I really need a new camera!
If you were wondering, my favorite act was definitely Avril Lavigne! I have always been obsessed with her, since I was little, but seeing her live and hearing her songs again made me fan-girl all over again!
